Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
