I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
