You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
