Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
