We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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