Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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