your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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