The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
