I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
