dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
