don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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