I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
