Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
