recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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