dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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