You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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