I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
