She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
a search helicopter?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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