I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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