i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
