Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
