dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
