I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
