I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He? As in you personified your dick?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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