I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
