is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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