Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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