I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
