had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
