I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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