Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
