Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
