how can u be prego again
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
