i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
