she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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