A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
