were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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