I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Green mimosas i think yes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
