the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
