Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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