marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sarcasm needs its own font
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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