Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
