Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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