this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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