I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
