I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
