booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
