Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
