Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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