maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
