you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
