You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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