I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
